Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Big Transition.

lindsey's visit may 10 137 by you.

This weekend Henry started sleeping in his own room and the transition has been harder for me than I ever imagined. I know it's time for him to start learning to sleep on his own, every rustle of our covers or sniffle in the middle of the night wakes him and as a result we've been getting absolutely no sleep.

As I rocked him in the chair in his room for the first time I sang our lullabies with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes. I looked down at his pouty little lips and thought, "Where has the time gone? This isn't fair!" It feels like just yesterday that I laid him into his bassinet for the first time and wheeled it so close to our bed so that I could hear every movement and breath he made.

I hate how empty our room feels now. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and instinctually peeking into his bassinet to check on him. When I realize he's not there I sit on the side of the bed, in the dark, and fight the urge to sneak into his room and rub his fuzzy little head.

I'm trying so hard do this. Trying so hard to avoid thinking too much about how fast the time has gone by. I know this is best for everyone but it is honestly one of the hardest things I have had to do on this new journey though motherhood.

Please tell me this gets easier?


Jess Craig said...

oh god! i have no idea if it gets easier! you're much stronger than i am allie. good luck to you! i'm proud of you.

alliehallmarr said...

Thanks Jess. I have been so tempted to just pull him into our bed when he starts fussing now. In the mornings when I do he sleeps so comfortably and long it's amazing. Plus sleepy babies = most snugly thing ever.

Dori the Giant said...

Aww. I'm pretty sure things will get better, you'll see.

I've always wondered where mothers learn everything there is to know about motherhood. Books? Internet? Video?

And make the best of everything. Even the bad things!

alliehallmarr said...

Hey Dori, thanks! I think a lot of it is just trusting your instincts (or trying to) and also talking to your own mom all. the. time. for reassurance and advice.

There are a ton of great books out there too, lately with all the changes I've been eating those up!!

whispering loudly said...

When Rowen first moved into his own room (which was when he was almost 9 months old!) I slept on the floor next to his crib for three days!!

It does get easier, I promise!

alliehallmarr said...

...And baby makes five: Although I read every post you write I still don't know your first name, and for that I'm sorry :( Thank you so much for the reassurance!

I've totally considered doing the same thing!

whispering loudly said...

Allie, Kelly.

Kelly, Allie.

Now we've met!

I guess I should post my name somewhere... you're the second person to comment on that! :)

alliehallmarr said...

Yay! That will be an easy name for me to remember too...my mom's name is Kelly!

Anonymous said...

Aww I hope it gets easier, although I'm sure it will. Good luck!

Jamie said...

i'm going to dissent and say...

not easier.

jude has been cruising in his own pad for a few months now and i still want to sneak in there and pick him up for a cuddle. i ache to go in there and get him. but i don't want to disturb his happy rest, so i don't.

Iris Flavia said...

I can imagine it´s very hard to let go a bit for the first time!
Hope you get used to it soon and you all can sllep through the night.

alliehallmarr said...

Thanks Jazmyn!

Jamie: It doesn't help that sleepy babies are so cuddly. H won't give me snuggles during the day but when he's sleeping he's alll minnnne. ::sigh::

Iris: I think it will be easier when we do get a full night's sleep. Maybe then I'll be able to seethe whole point of moving him out...

christina said...

Oh Allie I'm in tears. I just love how much you love your little man... but you're doing the right thing - and it's because you love him so.

I will tell you this (Lovie's been in her own room since week 2 - but it also holds our office so DH is usually in there till like 1AM): once things get settled and you go in there and say "Good Morning!" all bright and cheery, your little man is gonna give you the HUGEST smiles and hugs and nothing in life will compare to those moments.

Katherine said...

Hey! I commented earlier (or so i thought, maybe i didnt hit the publish button) but I so remember when my daughter moved into her room. She was 5.5 weeks and my eyes were going to fall out of my head if I woke up once more because she moved in her sleep. It was hard, I cried, but I also slept so much better (as did she) and it got much easier when we both rested better.

I tear up with all the new things she is doing these days and sometimes my husband looks at me like I am crazy. Its nuts how fast time flies, but its also really amazing to see your kiddo grow and do new things.

love your blog!

alliehallmarr said...

These comments are all so helpful and encouraging. It's good to hear of other mom's putting their babes in separate rooms so young. Four months seems so old compared to 2 weeks and 5.5 weeks! If you guys can do it, then so can we!

As for those morning smiles...LOVE them already! And Katherine, my husband looks at me the same way. A good example of this is the crazy look I received when I said, "But what if somebody kidnaps him in his sleep?" I'm such a worrier!

jill said...

oh allie, you are so much stronger than i am. corbin STILL sleeps in, er, hogs our bed every night. im so chicken to move him to his own room because its ::gasp:: all the way on the other side of the house and thats just too far away. and i worry too. i know its time to move him, heck its BEEN time, but its so hard! i've used the "we dont even have a baby monitor" excuse but the other day i got one at a yard sale for three bucks [i know, right!]. ok, i'm rambling and i'll let you have your blog back now! but really, if you are tired its because you are sticking with it and thats good! it will all work out in the long run im sure!

Allegra said...

Allie, I'm still worried someone will kidnap my son in the middle of the night (he's 3 1/2), and we set the alarm every night, and he sleeps on the second story.

As far as it getting easier ... yes and no. My son has been back and forth from his bed to our bed many times in his short life, and while I know I sleep infinitely better when he's in his own bed, I also miss him every night. But you DO get used to missing him.


katherine said...

Nah, you're not a worrier...your a mama! its how we do :)

Emily said...

Hudson was in our bed until a year. He started with us. Went to the crib for about 4 months and then came back to sleeping with us every night. I miss that. I wish he wasn't so self sufficient now.

Paige Baker said...

You are so wonderful. I should rename you that...'wonderful'. I seriously think about you alll the time and this post (as always it seems) made me tear up. You are one of the best moms in that world, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. And guess what...98 followers! You will outshine me by the end of the month...and rightly so. I. Adore. You.

emily bilbrey said...

oh hunny! i know exactly how you feel! it became clear at around months 4-5 that poppy was just plain sleeping better in her own space with no distractions. and it was really hard for me to let her out of arms reach to sleep at night. but can i just say that this really isn't the end - sometimes hen will still need you! when he is having a bad teething day or a cold or when he just needs his mama - he will let you know, and you will love & appreciate it. i promise. you'll both be perfectly fine! (here i am, telling you this while also weeping over my daughter wearing "real" shoes for the first time this week! haha! ah, well!)

much love to you guys. thinking of you!



alliehallmarr said...

Jill: Thank you for the encouragement! M husband helped me with getting H out of the room. I think if it had just been me, Henry would be still sleeping with me AND in my bed. Awesome garage sale find btw!

Allegra: I'm so glad I'm not the only person who worries about that! "Getting used to missing him" sounds so sad, haha but it's a good way to put it. I gave in last night, tip toed into his room, and "accidentally" woke him up :)

Katherine: Very true! I've never had so much to worry about until I had a baby!

Emily: My mom keeps telling me that I will miss the times H needed me all night long. It's definitely one of the reasons moving him out has been so hard...

Paige: Thanks lady! I adore you too <3

Emily Bilbrey: So you moved P out when she was 4-5 months too? Glad to hear that it all worked out and it's so great that you are able to appreciate the times she needs you that much more! You always have such a beautiful and refreshing way of viewing things, I love it so much. And real shoes for P? Eeep!

Yana said...

hey allie.
it wasn't an easy choice for us to put Ruehl in his own crib, and the first night I was in his room every hour with every whimper and noise he made. But he settled into his own space, and Chris and I are sleeping so well. It's been well worth the switch. It may not be easy for us to accept, but our little boys are gaining their independence, inch by inch. They are growing up! Aww.
hang in there it will get easier (or maybe it already has.)

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