Monday, February 16, 2009

Sleeping Lessons.

I am reading a new book, South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. Just recently I went through some huge Murakami phase and must have read three or four of his books and a few of his short stories. Although he is an amazing writer, as with all authors not all of his books are blow-your-mind-great...the majority of the ones I picked up were so metaphorical and science fiction-y that it was hard for me to get into them. After pushing my way through a few average novels I determined that it was probably a good time to give Murakmi a rest for a long while. G's band (Slim Dixon) was recording this weekend an hour north of Chicago and on the way out the door I grabbed a few books to pass the time (they were recording all day). I finished reading Thirteen Reasons Why, the book that I had mentioned before. Then I started reading Love in the Time of Cholera and got a little distracted so I figured,
I'll give one more Murakami book a shot". Turns out, South of the Border, West of the Sun might just be the best book I have read in a LONG time. When Murakami writes about relationships and people interacting with other people he tends to blow my mind. This story of a confused man focuses primarily on just how easily we can hurt the people closest to us. The way Murakami focuses on the power of memories from the past and the bittersweetness of love has placed me back into one of my states of nostalgia. This book has made me realize two things: One, even when you think you have everything figured out, you don't. And two, you should always be honest to everyone, especially those who are willing to lay their feelings out in the open in return for your love. I think that the closer you get to someone, the easier it is to take their feelings for granted. You start to forget that their feelings matter just as much, if not more and that you aren't the only person who matters. I admit I have come a long way. I am incredibly lucky to be where I am right now. But to get here I have hurt a lot of people in the process and that doesn't feel so good. If you're reading this, I am sure you know who you are. I just want to say that I am so sorry. I know that doesn't change the past or anything I've done or said for that matter, but for what it's worth my concious still clouds my thoughts and occasionally I replay over and over memories so haunting that they keep me up at night. Someone so lucky to be loved by caring people has no right to act so selfish, and in the past I was the QUEEN of selfishness. If you have the chance, you should read South of the Border, West of the Sun and maybe you'll feel a little bit of what I'm feeling right now. If you don't feel like reading, you could just listen to The Beatles "All My Loving", and any Carissa's Wierd, Rouge Wave, Shins, or early Band of Horses.
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