Tuesday, July 27, 2010

the one where i'm really, really stressed.

This is how Henry and I slept last night.

And by "Henry and I slept" I mean, just Henry slept (and only for about three hours total). I don't know what was keeping him up but every time I would finish feeding him, I wouldn't even make it out the door before he would wake up full on screaming. I must have fed him about six times in three hours because it was the only thing that would calm him. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty stressed/frustrated/pissed off last night. I even told Garrison, "I'm sick of being a mom right now" and switched the baby monitor off because his crying was getting on my nerves. Of course, I didn't really mean it and after I had gotten over myself I slipped back into his room. I scooped him up and plopped him down on the futon with a pile of blankets and pillows from the closet. He sighed, grabbed a handful of my hair and smiled at me, and then fell asleep. (heart mellllting)

I thought today would be better but Henry is skipping his day naps and to add to the stress he fell off of the bed at work. I ran into the room and found him lying on the floor shaking and holding his little arm all weird. My heart nearly exploded and I started bawling and frantically rocking him back and forth. I'm just not feeling the whole "mom" thing today guys (I am aware of how awful that sounds). Sometimes I wish I could just take a break and have a day to myself. Unfortunately I hardly ever get even a full hour and after a while it all catches up with me. I feel burned-out. Boo-hoo, waaaa, waaaa, waaaaa. I know.

Day, you can end now. You've been no good.


Jess Craig said...

i know you know that i GET you with this. henry is being a little punk! i hope he figures it out soon. wyatt gets like this (too often for my liking). maybe he's growing and is just all pissed and feeling awkward.

aw. poor thing. both you AND henry.

jill said...

:wipes the tears from my eyes:
i have these exact feelings sometimes, i just dont write about them because...its so scary! im sorry you and henry had a rough night, and now a rough day. maybe when g gets home you can lock the bathroom door, turn on your favorite music, and have a relaxing bubble bath and some time to yourself!

alliehallmarr said...

jess: henry and wyatt must have watched the same bad sponge bob episode...they are totally taking notes from each other. uggggh. i hope he gets over whatever is bugging him soon, i know you know how crazy days like this make you feel.

jill: i think i'll have to actually leave the house in order to find peace :) g is good at offering to take henry but still doesn't know what to do when the h man starts acting all stinky. at least if i'm 10 min. away, i'll get an extra few minutes peace on the drive home!!!

Jamie said...

bleh. those days suck. know that you'll make it out the other side!

poor little dude, just having a hard day.

Paige Baker said...

This was the most frustrating thing to read, I feel for you. Hopefully he starts to get the hang of SLEEPING (correctly)

ALSO, he totally looks just like you in this last picture.

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

poor henry, and poor mama!! i'm so sorry you had a hard night/day. i think we all feel like we need a break sometimes. and we deserve it, we work hard and being a mother is exhausting! hang in there, it will get better!!

Joy said...

i totally know how you feel! when I was breastfeeding i had a couple days like this when she was around a month old... that's why i ended up formula feeding because i felt like a more loving mom (weird?)...

and B fell off the bed on Sunday and i thought I was gonna die! she was fine after some crying, but i was sooo scard for her!! now I'm super careful... but i rmemeber judging mom's who's baby fell off the bed... well now i think i've learned my lesson....

Anonymous said...

hang in there, allie. i'm sure i will understand exactly how you feel in a few short months, and you'll be seeing posts like this on my blog. you're an awesome mommy. chin up!

Kristy Villa said...

You aren't the only one with days like those! It's good to know other moms admit it and I don't have some defect!

whispering loudly said...

Awww... hang in there... it's most likely just a growth spurt. Henry is a day older than Campbell, and she has been having those non-sleeping-need the mommy-nursing constantly spells on and off... right about 2 months, four months and 6 months. All of my kiddos did the same thing.

Most of the time, this is right when they are working on learning a new skill or hitting a new milestone... sitting up, rolling over, crawling... If he's growing quickly right now, then he's most likely extra hungry -- which is a feeling for him that is new and different.

It'll soon pass and you won't even remember much of the stressful, negative parts (kinda like labor). Campbell still sleeps with me, so when her off nights happen, I just take a deep breath, try and soothe her and give her what she needs (even if that is eating every hour or kicking me for hours in the ribs while she tries to get back to sleep) and focus on just relaxing my body.

Hang in there! You sure have a cutie!

erinlucyloves said...

oh sheeeet! i know exactly how you feel. in fact just yesterday after a super whiney baby day i practically threw milo into my husband's arms when he walked in the door from work and demanded he take him out for a drive so i could have a bubble bath in peace.
don't feel bad, i think everyone has days like that. xo

lydia. said...

i love that you're open and honest.
i hope things start to get better, and soon!


Sarah said...

Sorry you've been having such a stressful time. I hope your little one starts sleeping better for you.

However, know that your post is also encouraging. It shows the reality of life with a baby which dispells any myths not-yet-mums like myself may have.

Hang in there! xx

Anonymous said...

my child doesnt nap or sleep right when he is cutting teeth. so maybe thats whats happening right now. they say anytime after 3 months..so hopefully that at least can shed some light on why he's so fussy and needy. im completely with you on the not feeling the whole mommy thing. sometimes we just need a break..and when we cant get one, it wears us down big time!! hang in there momma!

With Love, Jamie said...

Cute blog! Cute son! Cute life!! :)
You have a new follower!
xo, Jamie

Iris Flavia said...

And Bro says he´s stressed! (Baby isn´t there yet!!!)
Geez, must´ve been a shock to find him on the floor!
Hope all gets better really soon!

Delirium said...

Allie!!! I have to tell you, I have had SO many days like this!

Now that Asia is one years old, she goes to bed at 8 p.m. and I have four hours to myself (I usually stay up until 12) and she sleeps great through the night. There is a light at the end of your tunnel, I promise it gets easier!!!

You're doing amazing. Don't ever feel bad or guilty about things like this.. all moms go through it, and have their bad days.

You're such an amazing mom! Really.


Kelly said...

Allie, you are a great mom and doing a great job. Hang in there.
I am so thankful that you are blessed with such wonderful followers of your blog who give encouraging words and understand exactly what you are going through. Funny, I know that I went through those same frustrations with all five of you guys, but surprisingly the emotional and physical stressful times are just a blur!
Remember the old saying, "This too shall pass!" and it's true.

christina said...

OH Allie! I'm so sorry you had a rough day/night! It's hard keeping on the cape 24/7. We've been having an "interesting" past couple of days, too; you're not alone. Hopefully you both can get some solid rest soon!

Lindsey said...

Allie, you are a wonderful mom and an awesome person. Hang in there. I'm praying for you guys.. H will get it soon. "This too shall pass." I love you dearly and miss you tons. =]


Mama said...

Yes, it sounds like a growth spurt. Elle has days like that and then, WHAM, she is in size 9 mo clothes- whaaa?

Her new thing is whining. She was whining all day yesterday and by the time I got home from work, she was REALLY whiney. To the point where I raised my voice and said, "Elle! Quit with the whining!" and she just looked at me and kept whining- like whateves mom! And of course I felt like crap for "yelling" at her.

Arg! We all have these days. I am sorry you are having a tough go!

alliehallmarr said...

jamie: i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! thanks!

paige: thanks! i thought so too! he usually looks like garrison but his eyes in this pic are ALL MAMA! yay!

mandy: it's hard sometimes when you don't even get a break at night, you know? new days are always a fresh start though, he was much better today (thank GOD)

joy: scary! i'm so glad B was okay. they are just so quick, you don't really realize how fast mobile they've gotten until something like that happens :( thank god for carpeted floors, right? i have heard that once h starts eating solids more and breastfeeding less, he will start sleeping better. fingers crossed!

sara (dontworrybaby): thank you so, so much. just know that as stressed as i was in this post, you have so much love for your baby that everything gets better real quick. i put your button on my blog and have been tracking a number of out clicks too, exciting! we just hung henry's h up and it LOOKS GOOD!

kristy: thank. you! i wasn't sure i wanted to post about such strong feelings but figured there has to be at least a few moms feeling the same stress as i was!

babymakesfive (totally spacing on your name right now i am SO SORRY :( yes! henry was like this at those times exactly! he has been working on sitting up on his own and scooting a tiny bit. must be why he's fussy! hope campbell is letting you sleep! it's so good to hear that a baby so close to h in age is doing the same!

alliehallmarr said...

erinlucyloves: that is such a good idea! henry loves car rides and it would be so nice to have a quiet house for once...i'm so glad you know exactly what i was writing about, makes me feel less like a crappy mom and a bit more normal! thanks!

lydia: thanks! i really needed to write it out and it definitely helped me feel a bit better. of course sweet comments like yours make everything okay as well!

sarah: thanks for pointing that out! i hate to write about bummer things because honestly? motherhood rocks like 99% of the time and even the sucky parts aren't so bad, really. love conquers all, for sure.

ashel: thanks for pointing that out! we got home yesterday and sure enough he has a little more of a bump on his gums. those teeth are working their way up, mean little guys!

jamie: thanks for following and reading! i love your blog too, we like a lot of the same music!

iris: yes! so shocking, i thought i was going to pass out seriously. baby boy is not going on the bed again, that's for sure! tell your bro everything will be okay, you love your new baby so much that even the stressful times aren't so bad!

Bonnie: thank you, thank you, thank you! it's good to hear that it does get better and easier! i can't even imagine four whole hours to myself! take some advice from asia, henry and start sleeping!

Mom: isn't it just great? not having a real outlet here in savannah is depressing and very hard. all of these ladies and their comments make things so much easier! i seriously love and appreciate all of them so much. thanks for talking me into a better mood yesterday, i love you!

lovie's mom: not your lovie too!! what's with the babies, my goodness! hope things are getting easier for you two as well!

lindsey: you and mom both said, "this too shall pass" hahaha. seriously, thanks so much. everything was ten times easier when you were here though, want to move in for good??

fiona: thanks! and elle is just a few weeks older than henry, right? i think the whining would drive me nuts! henry's big thing is fake coughing, especially when garrison is holding him. they are so funny at this age!

Lindsey said...

I'm on my way! =] I know.. I read mom's comment and started laughing. I'm definitely my mother's daughter. =P
No but seriously.. I was just thinking the other day that I could easily drive down and see you.. but then I remembered that I leave in 4 days! I should have thought of that sooner! Oh geez..

Nichole Contente said...

you will have more of these days throughout your life as a mom, sad to say, but they are easy to forget and they will make you appreciate the sweet times.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

I know it's awful: but, it's almost nice to read that I'm not the only one that gets stressed and burnt out! I've been getting burned out a lot this week. I REALLY need me time. Mike often forgets that watching baby is a VERY full-time job. Ugh. Can you tell I need a break today? :)

Chelsea said...

the hand behind the head is just too much. how cute!

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