Friday, October 22, 2010

Henry's Home

I took this picture because I always want to remember the way our bedroom was lit, every night newborn Henry slept peacefully in his bassinet next to our bed. For three whole months, we slept in this light...too afraid to turn it off because we wouldn't be able to check Henry's breathing/swaddling/temperature/diaper (omg really?) every fifteen minutes.

Time is escaping me and already it's time for us to start looking for a new house. We walked through an apartment last weekend, but it was so dark and gloomy and not for us. Two days later our landlord called to inform us that we can rent month to month at our current house, if we'd like.

Walking back into our home after looking at the new apartment felt good. It felt right. And it was then I realized that no new house, no brand new apartment could ever compare to this tiny little rental we've made ours for the past year. Yeah, the neighborhood is pretty much the worst (we've had multiple break-ins, a suicide, and a homicide) but this home? This is Henry's home.

Inside, safe from all of the crap that our neighborhood attracts, is the bed where I'd lay for hours, trying to imagine what our life would be like with a new baby. Inside that drafty front door we hate so much, is the bedroom I first nursed my tiny Henry to sleep. The kitchen where two flustered 25 year olds learned how to bathe a squirmy baby and swaddle a fragile infant. The living room where Garrison played, "Henry VII" on guitar while Henry smiled back at him. The hardwood floors that Henry learned to crawl on and the bedrooms where he grew to love books and music.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to this place. It's already hard to accept that my baby is nine months old, and moving to a new place? I honestly don't think my heart could take it. Staying here for a few more months sounds pretty great to me.

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21 comments:

Mandy said...

This post is so sweet... it makes me want to cry! : ) You are a great momma. : )

Have a good day with your sweet henry. : )

katherine said...

i love this. you and i think alike...i always try to take a mental picture of things that im doing....to always try to remember how i felt ant that very moment. home is home...no matter the neighborhood, school systems etc. if it feels right, than it usually just is :) ps. sorry ive been mia lately! miss e is being such a handful. hello, molars...you are the WORST thing ever.

allie said...

mandy: thank you so much! i hope you and your two loves have a great day too!

katherine: hey! don't worry about it (although i was totally thinking about you earlier today, glad everything is alright!) henry has been a complete handful too so i have been mia from many blogs as well :( i agree that we think alike, i've always related to so many of your posts. i'm glad you feel the attachment too!

Mariel Torres said...

there is no place like home :)

Jess Craig said...

you are a good mama! this is sweet. do what you think is right.

jill said...

oh my. this made me cry. also? that just rhymed. but anyways, i love that you realize that it doesnt matter whats around you and that its the three of you together that means the most. no matter where you are. you're the best!

Nikki Cupcake said...

it's hard to think about moving out of the first place your child lived

in august i started getting ready to move and i kept thinking about how this is where we spent the first year or so with my son, i was hoping to be moved before my 2nd son arrived. i didn't get the chance and now all i think about in the final weeks about where we became a family

Mama Mandolin said...

I know this feeling. We moved from our tiny studio apt. across the street to a new 2br one month after the boys were born. I know we were so cramped but sometimes when we go by the old place I miss it. That was where I laid around and spent my whole pregnancy. That's where we brought home 2 newborns and had our first moments of parenthood. I know we were cramped and just wanted out then, but I miss that time.

melissa said...

this is so sweet.. i can online imagine what it is going to feel like when our lease is up next july and olivia is a few months old. i probably wont want to leave either... and i agree with mandy, you are a really good mom!!

Paige Baker said...

Allie your sweet heart makes me cry every time. I love you--this was such a sweet post.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

That was so sweet.

lydia. said...

sounds like you guys are right where you need to be! :)

xo.

Danielle said...

Oh, what a lovely, lovely post. When we left our old home this year for the new I went through similar feelings (although not as intense) because that's was where we had loved for so long, and created our little guy. It was such a special place. <3

Ashley said...

Since my hubby is in the Air Force..we've moved a lot, especially during deployments. Im soooo looking forward to the day when we dont have to move, and force Camdyn to adjust to a whole new home and environment, all over again. Henry definitely feels safe there..because it's all he's ever known. I hope you guys can stay there however long you want/need to! : ) Have a good weekend!

Bri said...

your room looks so cozy! and i don't blame you for feeling a little overwhelmed...that's a lot to take in so suddenly! and i completely agree that home is home. i recently just realized that even though i'm going to be moving out of my apartment in a year, it's still home and the special place my hubby spent our 1st two years of marriage.

Iris Flavia said...

Same here (well, only kinda, right?!) - after such a long time of weekend relationship we have this apartment - crap landlords right underneath causing so much stress.

We bought (!) an apartment now, but I have such a hard time of letting this one go!
It´s our first home after all!
I so can understand you!
Thanks for reminding me of the nine months... so not! LOL! Though Henry and I share the day, the year-thing doesn´t make me happy anymore! ;-)

Lil Muse Lily said...

Allie, i SO hear you on this. we too will have to move around february because we are in a 1 bedroom and as much as i hate it sometimes, i think the same. it's where i was pregnant with Lily, where we brought her home, it's where she calls home. she knows no other place.
but then again, it's time to start memories somewhere else.
i often think about me and Will in bed with an 18 year old Lily in a bed next to us thinking it's totally normal because it's how we've lived. lol
totally royal tenenbaums movie style like.

Heidi said...

It is just so true, home is where the heart is. YOU are Henry's home, dear Allie.

But please keep your doors locked. ;)

Christine said...

such a sweet post Allie :) it is hard to leave home when so many memories have been made, happy to hear you will be making many more in your h♥me. but always remember home is where the heart is & your heart {family} will always be right by your side new home or not, your family is just so beautiful! happy sunday girl!

Christine said...

oh & ps... moving SUCKS! :-P

kriznizzel said...

Great post I love the light in your photo. The sleeping is going great now, Your right the first few nights are so hard but boy is it worth it! Harper sleeps through now, I hear him wake up but he does not cry for me to feed him YAY. Good luck finding a new house.

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