Goodbye Computer :(

Sorry, these pics aren't edited because guess what? My computer is toast. I keep getting this error screen saying, "Internal HDD HARD ERROR" and another saying, "No Bootable Devices". Shoot. I know this is all because I passed on renewing my laptop insurance last year. This really sucks. Blogging is my outlet, something I look forward to every day and often times one of the only things that keeps me somewhat sane.

Anyway, I'm pissed and bummed and extremely tired right now. All this Halloween fun with its sticky fingers, pumpkin! pumpkin! oh a blow up witch! scarecrow! ahhhhh! and its candy candy candy X 300 makes for some pretty whacked out kids. Gahhhhhhh. I'll be back soon enough, until then here are some pictures of a double headed Henry.

(will you please continue to vote for us while we're away? thanks guys!)

Henry Stays With A Sitter: Take 2

The last time we left Henry with someone was a freaking disaster. He literally screamed for three hours straight because he had only ever been with either me or Garrison since the day he was born (we didn't leave him until he was five months old! note: parent fail).

But anyway, last week I had completely reached my breaking point with Henry. I was sick of not sleeping and tired of being around my child almost 24/7. I mean, WOW. Had it seriously been four whole months since I had spent longer than two hours away from him? I was an emotional wreck, missing my family and feeling completely overwhelmed. My boss and I talked about it one day after work and as I was bawling she volunteered to watch Henry so that we could get out for a while. We don't have any babysitters here because I'm always so busy that I never have the time to get out and make friends (lame). I should also admit that I'm totally one of those moms who's afraid to leave their baby with even an acquaintance (not so lame?).

Thanks to the family I nanny for, Garrison and I finally went out without the H man once again. We had the nicest meal at a new French restaurant and drinks at a bar we had never been to. It was so relaxing and totally nice to finally have a few hours to focus on each other without having to talk over Fisher Price songs and pterodactyl-like screeches.

When we got back, Henry was asleep in his pack and play. He was so relaxed, sleeping with his body all twisted and snoring lightly (hilarious). Apparently he was a perfect little buddy the entire night and only started to get fussy right around bed time. We scooped him up and slipped him into his car, the whole time amazed that he had been so good.

As if the weekend couldn't get any better, Saturday morning my boss picked me up and took me to the spa. That = an additional four hours Henry free. Amazing. I had actually never been to a spa before and it was really nice. We sipped hella free mimosas and soaked in a hot tub, got a massage and a facial, and ate a light lunch (with more free mimosas. duhhh) so. relaxing. When I got back to the house, my boys were eating lunch on the front porch and my messy baby squealed at me with outstretched, yogurt hands and my heart melted. It was like everything had been reset and it was awesome.

You need to give yourself a chance to actually miss your baby and allow some time alone to focus on important things that have been lost over time. Trust me, it makes everything 129802384923490820935 times better.

do you think you could take a second and vote for us? we'd really like to stay on the first page! thanks!

Our Weekend.

Saturday sink bath with dad.

Swinging on the wooden swings at the flea market.

Looking at all the cheap crap at the flea market.

If you ever need a bra for a dollar (about fifteen colors to choose from), a stun gun, a spray painted Michel Jackson t-shirt, or a Samurai sword- our flea market is your place.

Our real reason for visiting though was to look at the puppies. Garrison likes to daydream about getting one soon and I think he was running out of daydream material. Henry loved sticking his hands through the cages and letting the dogs lick his hands and he'd laugh like a crazy kid every time. Someday, Henry. Someday, Garrison.

On the go diaper changes in the car have become much trickier these days. I remember when his little body fit perfectly on that seat. What happened?

On Sunday, we had barbecued in our front lawn. It was 80 degrees and all of the neighbors were sitting outside too,listening to the radio and singing "My Girl" by the Temptations at the top of their lungs. The whole thing felt like summer, only it's almost the end of October. Southern weather is weird and completely backwards sometimes.

Eating dinner on the porch.

Sears is running a special right now, a free 10 x 13 photo with any background of your choice for FREE. We randomly picked up a coupon at the store while we were waiting for our car's oil to be changed and had some photos taken of him in front of this super cheesy moon scene. They look awesome and you totally can't beat free.

We went to a pumpkin patch with the kids I work with and they kept piling pumpkins in his stroller. The lady kept looking at me like I was trying to sneak a bunch of them out with me. In Washington, pumpkin patches are actual farms where you go and actually pick your pumpkin right from the vine. In the south, a pumpkin patch is any designated spot where pre-picked pumpkins have been neatly placed across the ground. Don't worry, they totally put hay bales and scarecrows around them so it feels more legit.

Of course we had a ton of moments like this throughout the weekend, but there were also a bunch like this:

Garrison and I also got to go out (minus baby!) and I had an entire Saturday morning to myself. My nanny boss took me to the spa and out to lunch and I seriously feel like a whole new person. This deserves an entire post of its own though, because getting away for a date with my husband and out of the house without Henry is like, the hugest deal now. It's really pathetic.

Hope you all had a great weekend as well! I can't wait to catch up on all of your lovely blogs!

The Pinata Post

My computer has been horribly slow lately. I think it might have a virus. This makes uploading and editing pictures nearly impossible and super frustrating. I'm working on getting that fixed so for now just imagine that this post is like a weird pinata. You're at an awesome party and you just busted it open.

Sorry I've been mia for so long. I have spent hardly any time on the internet this weekend and holy crap, it's been great. We've had the most relaxing/awesome/fun past few days and I have so many wonderful pictures to show you but this:

{source}

has been happening around our house lately and it's leaving me very little time to accomplish much else (how long have those clothes been in the dryer?!)
Wth, Dexter season 4... don't you know I have things to do?

Here's a cute picture of Henry painting outside. Today it was 85 degrees and humid. Seriously?:

This video = so nerdy, so good. Did you know they have huge competitions around the world with these things? Did you know that I actually watched the entire video? Yikes. :

and click HERE for something equally as nerdy (and incredibly awesome. you know, if you're into geek stuff...)

This paper head costume is so great. The guy photo documented the whole process and you can see it all by clicking HERE:


I'm typing this with one hand while Henry is "nursing" which really means that he's digging his sharp toes into my armpits and screaming at my boob while trying to flip backwards off of the boppy. Charming. Nursing is just so pleasant these days....

Henry is consitpated because we've been feeding him all kinds of new finger foods. Every time he tries to poop he lays belly down on the floor with his forehead pressed against the carpet. I keep thinking he's fallen asleep but when I get closer he pops his head up and grunts with red, watery eyes. Poor baby, but in all honesty it's pretty freaking funny.

But maybe not as funny as this?:

{source unknown. help?}

I'll be back with pictures from our weekend soon. Maybe. Hopefully.
Happy Monday anyway.

Henry's Home

I took this picture because I always want to remember the way our bedroom was lit, every night newborn Henry slept peacefully in his bassinet next to our bed. For three whole months, we slept in this light...too afraid to turn it off because we wouldn't be able to check Henry's breathing/swaddling/temperature/diaper (omg really?) every fifteen minutes.

Time is escaping me and already it's time for us to start looking for a new house. We walked through an apartment last weekend, but it was so dark and gloomy and not for us. Two days later our landlord called to inform us that we can rent month to month at our current house, if we'd like.

Walking back into our home after looking at the new apartment felt good. It felt right. And it was then I realized that no new house, no brand new apartment could ever compare to this tiny little rental we've made ours for the past year. Yeah, the neighborhood is pretty much the worst (we've had multiple break-ins, a suicide, and a homicide) but this home? This is Henry's home.

Inside, safe from all of the crap that our neighborhood attracts, is the bed where I'd lay for hours, trying to imagine what our life would be like with a new baby. Inside that drafty front door we hate so much, is the bedroom I first nursed my tiny Henry to sleep. The kitchen where two flustered 25 year olds learned how to bathe a squirmy baby and swaddle a fragile infant. The living room where Garrison played, "Henry VII" on guitar while Henry smiled back at him. The hardwood floors that Henry learned to crawl on and the bedrooms where he grew to love books and music.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to this place. It's already hard to accept that my baby is nine months old, and moving to a new place? I honestly don't think my heart could take it. Staying here for a few more months sounds pretty great to me.

Henry's Fort

hey! what the heck?

oh! this is what they call a "fort"?

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New Moon

After some serious Ferberizing and like, three hours of sleep last night, I think my version of Goodnight Moon is a little more realistic....

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Feeling Better...

actually napping too...whaaat the?

Okay, does Henry read my blog when I'm not looking because holy crap, you guys? He slept eight hours straight last night, nursed quickly, and then slept another three hours. I feel like I could accomplish a bajillion things today, it's amazing what just a little bit of sleep will do for one's spirit.

The response I received from all of you concerning my post yesterday was seriously astonishing. Your love and support blew me away, and I'd be lying if I told you that every single comment didn't make me bawl like a little bitty crybaby. It is so refreshing to know that I am totally not alone in the way that I have been feeling lately. I've realized that this whole motherhood thing is nearly impossible to accomplish on your own and that thinking I could do everything (you know, like Super Mom style...) was really my downfall in the end. As much as you swear it won't, that stuff catches up to you eventually.

I learned from all of your comments and emails that every mom struggles with those horrible and scary feelings of despair at some point along this journey. I learned that seeking the support of others, making time for yourself, and admitting that you simply cannot do everything are really important and that feeling burnt out does not make me a bad mother at all. It makes me a normal mother.

I'm still in this stressed/unmotivated funk a bit, but I feel like I'm looking at it in a new light. Things are definitely looking up and a huge part of that is because of you. You all mean so much to me, thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to let me know that I'm not alone OR crazy. I just love you all.

Venting...

I'm not even sure I'm actually going to publish this post yet, I really just feel like I need to write all of my thoughts down or I might go completely crazy or something. I just need to be totally honest and completely real for a second, so if that's not your thing please skip this post and wait for me to publish some funny and cute pictures of Henry.

Guys? I'm bored and tired and frustrated. I'm not sure I've ever felt quite this way and honestly it sucks. The whole "mom thing" is loosing its charm, temporarily I'm sure, I'm just burnt out.. but still. I'm bored of the same routine every day and all night (seriously, when is this kid going to start sleeping??) I used to wake up at least a little excited to sneak into his room for a 3 am feeding but now, I can barely pull myself out of bed and when I do it's not a lovey-dovey stars and hearts breastfeeding moment anymore. I'm tired of lugging him around on my hip until my back aches. I'm tired of pulling him away from the outlets and the bathroom all the time. I hate that he figured out how to arch his back when he doesn't want me to hold him. I'm seriously almost always stressed, even about the dumbest things that really shouldn't matter. I hate that I am just not motivated like I used to be, I feel like I'm burning out and that this makes me a horrible mom or something.

I'm tired of having no friends here. I feel stuck and I'm aching for change, any sort of change, and it's just not happening. I'm lucky that I have Garrison and that we make a pretty darn good team but it would be so nice to have some real girl friends again and be close to family. I miss my family so much that my stomach literally hurts every time I think about them and how far away we are from them and that we have to live here for so long and there's not a thing I can do to change that. I feel like I could do this, like really do this, if I had the support of a few good friends and lots of family too but I don't. That being said, you girls that I have met through this silly little blog of mine mean more to me than you even know. Every piece of advice, every comment or email or letter you've ever sent is the one of the only things that keeps me sane sometimes and I will always love all of you for that.

What do you do when you've lost the motivation that you used to have an abundance of? How do you pull yourself together to muster up the excitement and energy it takes to raise a suddenly active 9 month old who sometimes cries and screams for no reason? God, I really do love love love this kid don't get me wrong. I'm just frustrated with my situation and tired of being so bored and cranky. He deserves better than this, you know?

Our Weekend in Pictures

They reset the votes at Top Baby Blogs! Will you please take a second and vote for us by clicking the brown bar below? Thanks and so many thanks to everyone who has voted so far!

We Need Your Help!

The votes have just been reset over at Top Baby Blogs! Could you all please take a quick second and send a click our way? We have met so many awesome mamas through this site and I'd love to keep meeting more! Also it's pretty nice knowing that people may actually be finding/reading the things you write, you know? To vote, just click the brown button below and a screen will pop up. Click the text on the Top Baby Blog screen and that's it. You've voted! Thanks guys!

Here's the button to click:

85 Degrees Whaaaaaat?

While everyone else is headed to the pumpkin patch and drinking pumpkin spice lattes, we're hanging out at the beach because apparently, fall? Just doesn't happen in the south.

Henry's a total beach monster baby now, eating handfuls of sand and crawling straight for the Atlantic as fast as he can. It's crazy to think that the last time we took him here he was perfectly content just sitting next to us and watching everything happening around him.

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